Been long time without a dope beat to step to

Last night I was thinking about how much I love the month of October.

In general, autumn is my favorite time of year and I think October is the perfect autumn month. The colors are at their best and the endless rain hasn’t quite started yet. Growing up, Halloween was my favorite holiday. Honestly, I think I liked it even more than Christmas. Halloween has always been a big day in my family. This time of year also makes me think about my grandma. She was the ultimate costume maker. She was able to take the ramblings of a 6 year old girl talking about how she wants to be a “flower princess” and turn it into an amazing costume. Growing up my sister and I never had store bought costumes, but you wouldn’t have known because my grandma was so good at making them. When I was younger, this was the only time of year my parents would be apple juice and it was our custom to keep it outside instead of in the refrigerator. Looking back, this seems silly, but growing up it was a special treat for my sister and I. This month is also special because Andy and I got married during it. It was a beautiful fall day and we spent it surrounded by family and friends. Last October is also when we found out that our offer was accepted on our house and that we would be homeowners. So generally speaking…October is a good month for me, however it hasn’t always been that way.

In October of 2002, the house I was living in at the time was broken into and I was assaulted in my room. The rest of October was spent talking to the police and fighting the urge to retreat and hide from the world. Last October was also when my grandma passed away. On the year anniversary of her death I was surprised by all the different emotions that I was feeling. It didn’t help that my brother in law’s divorce was finalized that day and I had the worst cold I have had in years. So, last night while I was thinking about October, it reminded me of a poem. Now, I am not into poetry, but this one has stuck with me since high school. I first heard it in the movie “The Basketball Diaries.” The movie is about the poet Jim Carroll’s life. Now I don’t know if I have the poem completely memorized, but here is what I remember it going;

And the rain sort of remains on the branches of a tree

That will someday rule the earth.

And it’s good that there’s rain.

In clears the month of our sorry rainbow expressions

So that we can dance.

And that is what October is to me. It is a month that can bring sadness and happiness, but in the end it will leave me dancing.