Crossword Puzzles

What I am learning about the grief process is that it comes up and smacks you in the face just when you are thinking that you are getting better.

On Saturday night I had a dream about my grandma. In the dream, I called my sister but my grandma answered the phone. My dream brain realized that I shouldn’t be able to talk to her, so I decided to take advantage of the opportunity. I asked my grandma where she was and said that she was waiting. I asked her if it was good waiting or bad waiting, and she reassured me that it was good, it was just that there were a lot people ahead of her. She said that she didn’t really mind waiting and that she had “Amanda” there with her. I told that we all miss her a lot and that I think of her everyday. She said she missed us all too, but that we would get to see her before we knew it. In my dream, she sounded like the old grandma, the pre-dementia grandma and I remember feeling so happy about that. Then I woke up and I was immensely sad. I realized that I would never hear my grandma again.

Andy asked me if I thought it was actually my grandma coming back to talk to me. I have been really stressed with some personal things lately and my grandma was always good at calming me down and making me see the silver lining in things. I don’t know if it was her. The logical part of me thinks that she has been on my mind a lot lately and it just bled its way into my dream. But then the hopeful part of me that knew my grandma really does think it was her. It is hard to have something like that be so comforting on one hand and so heartbreaking on the other.