Why I Hate Throw Back Thursdays

It's Thursday again, and for the Facebook world that mean's it is time to post pictures from back in your glory days. Ugh, I hate Throw Back Thursdays. I don't want to be reminded of my glory days, when I was effortlessly attractive (however I didn't think it back then) and free from debt. When I didn't have a job that I loved/sucked my sole for a wage that is never going to enable me to pay back said debt.


I know, I know I have it pretty great. I have a house, plenty of food, clothing, a family that loves me, a fantastic husband, and friends that support me no matter what pity party I happen to be throwing myself (this one included). But sometimes I wonder what fabulous life I could be living if I had just made some different choices, and that my friends, is a dangerous game to be playing.


Sometimes I can't be sure if I chose the life I am living because of my own free will, or because I succumbed to cultural pressures that tell me subconsciously what someone who is "normal" like me is supposed to do/be. Could I be just as happy living internationally with multiple lovers and finally devoting time to my secret wish of being a world renown photographer? Hell, would I feel any more satisfied with my life if I had kids and drove around in a minivan? The thing that gets me about all of this, is that generally speaking EVERYONE feels this way. We all wish we had more money, more/less hair, bigger tits, a smaller waist, better sex. etc. Nobody is satisfied. What is wrong with us?


And then all of a sudden, in the midst of this well stocked pity party, I begin pondering what the effing meaning of life is. How cliché is that? I know that there has to be more to life than worrying about money and sex and global warming and how attractive you were when you were 22 (see I know how to bring everything back full circle) but what is it? Are you there God? It's me Carly. Please answer this question for me just this one time and I promise to go to church every day for the rest of my life (okay probably not, but it was worth a shot).


So in conclusion, eff you Throw Back Thursday. I will skip ahead to Hump Day or Manic Monday and keep my wallowing to a minimum.

Rejected

So my sister and I wrote a story for our local community blog about supporting the small business in the community we live. We visited one of  our favorite little stores and interviewed the owner. Though I was crazy nervous about it, it was fun and I briefly felt more connected to my community. However, the blog decided not to post our story, even though we had run it past them and they thought it was a good idea. I haven't even gotten any feedback as to why they decided not to post it.

When I drive down the main street of my town, I get a little depressed. Sure, there are business that are open and doing well, but for every one of those businesses there are two that are boarded up and falling apart. I check-in with the community blog out of a sense of obligation, not be cause there is anything interesting to read on there. Most of the page is taken up by advertising and the stories that they do post are pretty boring. My hope in writing the brief story was to shine a spotlight on a business, plus give people something interesting to read. Below is the story that I submitted. It may not be the best, but I tried.

Rejected Blog Story

Recently, some friends and I decided to spend some time checking out the main, downtown area of Des Moines. We often drive past these shops and stores on our way to and from other activities, but we haven’t really taken the time to peruse these small, local businesses in our neighborhood. With “Support Small Business Day” set to occur on Saturday, November 30^th approaching, I thought it was high time to take a chance on Des Moines’ main drag. After grabbing a cup of coffee and bite to eat at Auntie Irene’s, my friends and I headed across the street to Teresa DeLeen’s Jewelry and Gifts.

Teresa’s shop is tucked away on the bottom floor of the same building that holds Entourage Salon and the Scotch and Vine. According to Teresa, the space used to be a storage and garage area, but you wouldn’t guess that now. She has created a friendly and inviting shop that is full of natural light and artistic energy. It feels as if you are walking into a hidden treasure trove. Though, Teresa says the shop originally was just a place for her to showcase her own jewelry designs, it has now grown to offer items made by many local artists. She features exquisite jewelry, fine soaps, stationary, and unique art. Teresa is friendly, knowledgeable and quite passionate about her art. While we were there, she explained how she makes her famous “Wish” necklaces. When I asked her how she would describe her jewelry/art/shop she said, “nostalgic stories in metal and stone.” She wants her pieces to start conversations and that is exactly what they do.

After stocking up on handmade soaps and adding every piece of jewelry in her store to our holiday wish lists, we made our way over to B&E Meats to buy some delicious pepperoni. All in all it was a great morning and I look forward to our next adventures in Des Moines.

Not Me

Last week I interviewed for a job. In my mind there was no reason why I should not get the job. It was where I work already, but in a different department. I knew everyone interviewing me because I work with them pretty much daily. I rocked the interview, I honestly thought the job was mine. But I was wrong. I did not get it. For those keeping track that is 6 jobs now that I have interviewed for and not gotten. I am trying to stay positive and see the silver lining, but I can't. I am saying all the things in my head that I am supposed to be saying "it just wasn't meant to happen," "the perfect job is out there somewhere," but I don't believe any of it. I am so so embarrassed. I know all the people that interviewed me and they didn't pick me. I actually lost the job to someone I also work with daily, so that just puts more salt in the wounds. I don't know what to do. There are not many jobs open in my field right now. People are telling me I should broaden my search and I know they are right, but it has been so long since I have looked for jobs outside of education, I don't even know where to begin anymore.

I have been working on this goal and this career path for over six years now. I enjoy doing it and I am good at it. I just can't seem to convice other people of that.

31 Years on This Earth

The picture above was taken on April 9th, my 31st birthday.

We didn't do much celebrating, but that was okay. Ever since the age of about 25, making a huge deal out of my birthday hasn't been something that I wanted to do. Now I would much rather spend the month of April catching up with friends that I don't get to see or talk to often.

I like having a birthday in the spring. It feels like everything is waking up and it gives me a sense that anything is possible in the next year. Why'd we ever switch to thinking the new year started in January (yes I actually understand why this is)? In January everything is still comatose, but in April you start to hear the birds singing again. All the trees turn bright green and sometimes it even gets warm enough to be outside without 72 layers on.

I wonder what year 31 will bring?

Goals? Who needs them?

In 2012:
• 2 friends had babies.
• I earned a Masters in Education .
• We adopted a 2nd dog.
• We learned how much fun the dog park can be.
• On our 3 year anniversary, we learned that they really aren’t lying when they say “the Olympic Rainforest.”
• I interviewed for 4 jobs and did not get any of them. This was a blow to my self esteem for sure, but I am trying to learn from each experience and stay hopeful that I will find the right job eventually .
• Our friends got a divorce. Which was a learning experiencing for us in so many ways.
• We got a roommate, which has been great!
• We had our official “Housewarming” party. Which was so much fun. I hope to have many more parties at the house.
• I hosted Thanksgiving at my house and it wasn’t as painful as I expected.
• I learned how much I love yard work. I learned a lot about flowers and gardening and can’t wait for spring to keep improving our yard.
• I turned 30 and it was not a big deal.
• We made it through our first year of homeownership. It has been difficult and stressful and wonderful. One of the things I like to do the more than anything is daydream about all the different things we want to do to our home. Sometimes we have very different opinions and other times we are both on the same page. However, it is always fun time imagine the possibilities.
• Andy helped friends move to Arizona.

What 2013 will bring:

• Saving money. For serious
• Time to get healthy. Also for serious
• Fingers crossed, hopefully another trip to Switzerland.
• A new job.
• A camping trip. I really want to go camping.
• Spend more time connecting with my friends. I have no excuses this year. Time to start enjoying talking on the phone.

I don’t normally make goals for the new year because then I feel like crap when I don’t accomplish them. So I won’t think of the above list as goals, more like guiding principles for 2013. Hopefully keeping these in mind will help me have a great 2013.

AAAAAA!!!

Eff! I got my hopes up again about a job. A job that I was reluctant to like at first, but it grew on me. I felt a connection to the school and to the people in the office. I felt drawn to the mission of what they were trying to accomplish and I wanted the job. I let myself get excited about it, like actually excited. I pushed the pessimist side of my brain out and really embraced the dream of getting this job. But then, the not so happy phone call.

I CANT SEEM TO GET AN ADVISING JOB!!!

I am getting so tired of rejection. My one serious career goal is to be an advisor. It is why I got my masters degree. It is what drew to continue working in higher education and is the thing I am most passionate about.

I know I should be thankful that I have a job and I am. But it is time for something more and I just can't seem to get my life moving in that direction.

Been long time without a dope beat to step to

Last night I was thinking about how much I love the month of October.

In general, autumn is my favorite time of year and I think October is the perfect autumn month. The colors are at their best and the endless rain hasn’t quite started yet. Growing up, Halloween was my favorite holiday. Honestly, I think I liked it even more than Christmas. Halloween has always been a big day in my family. This time of year also makes me think about my grandma. She was the ultimate costume maker. She was able to take the ramblings of a 6 year old girl talking about how she wants to be a “flower princess” and turn it into an amazing costume. Growing up my sister and I never had store bought costumes, but you wouldn’t have known because my grandma was so good at making them. When I was younger, this was the only time of year my parents would be apple juice and it was our custom to keep it outside instead of in the refrigerator. Looking back, this seems silly, but growing up it was a special treat for my sister and I. This month is also special because Andy and I got married during it. It was a beautiful fall day and we spent it surrounded by family and friends. Last October is also when we found out that our offer was accepted on our house and that we would be homeowners. So generally speaking…October is a good month for me, however it hasn’t always been that way.

In October of 2002, the house I was living in at the time was broken into and I was assaulted in my room. The rest of October was spent talking to the police and fighting the urge to retreat and hide from the world. Last October was also when my grandma passed away. On the year anniversary of her death I was surprised by all the different emotions that I was feeling. It didn’t help that my brother in law’s divorce was finalized that day and I had the worst cold I have had in years. So, last night while I was thinking about October, it reminded me of a poem. Now, I am not into poetry, but this one has stuck with me since high school. I first heard it in the movie “The Basketball Diaries.” The movie is about the poet Jim Carroll’s life. Now I don’t know if I have the poem completely memorized, but here is what I remember it going;

And the rain sort of remains on the branches of a tree

That will someday rule the earth.

And it’s good that there’s rain.

In clears the month of our sorry rainbow expressions

So that we can dance.

And that is what October is to me. It is a month that can bring sadness and happiness, but in the end it will leave me dancing.